Dear Annie: I want to know why people think it’s OK to harass and abuse other people. My ex brought his girlfriend home, and they spent the night in the garage. That was when we were still married.
Then he took my 5-year-old daughter out on dates with the girlfriend, and he abused and harassed me for a year to try to get me to abandon the house and my daughter so he wouldn’t have to pay child support.
During this ordeal, I was ripped off by a lawyer who knew my ex was harassing me and did nothing. My ex and the girl are not together anymore, but I later found out that the girlfriend was hitting my daughter on her hands to punish her when she did something wrong.
I just don’t get why there are horrible people in the world who do awful things and don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. It is not unusual for them to turn the situation on you, acting as if you deserved it.
After all this, I’m done with men. I don’t even date. It ain’t worth it. I talk to people on chat sites, and they tell me they don’t date for the same reasons. Being alone in this day and age is just the better way to go. I feel so broken and empty inside; no one would want me anyway. I am ruined, and no one seems to care.
So, I just want to know -- why?! -- Someone Who Just Wants to Know Why
Dear Know Why: Hurt people hurt people. Whether they were hurt when they were children and are repeating the same patterns or they were hurt when they were adults -- it doesn’t matter where the meanness came from. Being cruel to other human beings never feels good in the long run.
I’m not sure that making blanket statements, such as saying that you are finished with dating forever, is going to make you feel better in the long run. Just commit to only surrounding yourself with people who lift you up and have your best interests at heart. I would also let your ex know that his ex-girlfriend is never allowed to be around your daughter again. Child abuse is a serious crime and needs to be treated as such.
Stories by Annie Lane
- Dear Annie: Feeling judged for invisible disability
- Dear Annie: My sons have abandoned my side of the family, and I’m so hurt
- Dear Annie: The way I was treated as a guest has changed how I feel about my brother
- Dear Annie: When you always put others first, you teach them to put you last
- Dear Annie: Girlfriend seems like she’s deliberately wearing the wrong clothes for the occasion
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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