Dear Annie: I have a friend who spent many years in an emotionally abusive relationship that seems similar to what “Sad Grandma” described. What I have seen with my friend’s children is that they have learned to treat their mom the same way their father did.
They watched for years as she put his needs and demands first in all of their lives. By putting him first, she taught her own children to put her last.
My friend is now working very hard to change her relationship with her children, and I hope “Sad Grandma” can, too. Remember: When you always put others first, you teach them to put you last. -- Fellow Mom
Dear Fellow Mom: Thank you for your letter. You bring up such an important point, which is that more is caught than taught. “The Gift,” a book by Edith Eger, highlights this very important lesson.
Stories by Annie Lane
- Dear Annie: Feeling judged for invisible disability
- Dear Annie: How do people become okay with abusing other people?
- Dear Annie: My sons have abandoned my side of the family, and I’m so hurt
- Dear Annie: The way I was treated as a guest has changed how I feel about my brother
- Dear Annie: Girlfriend seems like she’s deliberately wearing the wrong clothes for the occasion
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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