Asking Eric: Clearing the air with a distrustful brother-in-law

Dear Eric: I will be dog-sitting my sister and her husband’s dog in Hawaii when they go away for a 10-day vacation. The husband almost always accuses me of “stealing” something from their home, which I never do because I don’t need anything! He even went as far as accusing me of stealing an heirloom my jeweler grandfather had made and left to me.

The husband sent countless accusatory messages saying that I stole it. He even told me I could have it before he changed his mind about it. The situation lasted for years with no communication from him or my sister.

Should I address this ahead of my visit, telling them that I will not be “stealing” or taking anything because I have no interest in doing so or should I have them go through my luggage before I depart to prove so? Or should I just not mention it?

– Not a Thief

Dear Not a Thief: At first, I wondered, “Why is this person going back in this house after all this Sturm und Drang?” But then I remembered that your sister and brother-in-law live in Hawaii, so I understand what you’re getting out of the trip.

Still … sheesh! This guy has a lot going on. You should clear the air and set some expectations before you get there. I’m curious how communication resumed after your years of no contact. Did you ever talk about the conflict?

You’re doing them a favor, so you don’t have to submit to a TSA pat down before leaving their house. Tell them “I don’t want a replay of last time, so if you can’t trust me, you should find another dog sitter with good taste in jewelry.”

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.