Dear Annie: Grief can’t be rushed

Dear Annie: I miss the days when society’s rules gave people the “right” to grieve for a year.

I wanted to respond to the friend who felt that a grandmother grieving for 10 months is prolonged grief; it’s not. As a bereaved mom, I lost many “friends” who felt this way, who just didn’t understand why I couldn’t get over it. I had two other children and a baby on the way, etc.

I learned that the first year after the death of a loved one is bad because of all the firsts you experience, such as the first Christmas without them. But the second year is brutal because you realize that this is the new normal, that there is no going back to the old you because part of that person is gone. Losing a child or grandchild is not the same as other losses because it’s out of order; we are not supposed to outlive our children and grandchildren.

Finally, I want to recommend an organization called The Compassionate Friends, which is a good resource for those who experience the death of their child or grandchild as well as friends and people who want to help.

I am still grieving almost 23 years later. -- Grieving Grandmother

Dear Grieving Grandmother: I am so sorry for your loss, and I want to thank you for sharing your experience. Grieving takes the time that it takes, and anyone who tries to hurry you along is being insensitive. I hope your observations and advice help others know they are not alone in their grief, and they should never feel pressured to ignore their feelings.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.