Dear Eric: My wife and I have a beautiful home on a lake. We keep our home very neat and tidy. Our adult son, wife and their young children live in another state and when we visit them, their home is a complete mess, dirty and sticky with spilled food and drinks (we stay at an Airbnb when we visit.)
They just stayed with us for a week, and we all had a wonderful, fun time, but they treat our house like they treat their house. Should we set some written house rules for their next visit (and possibly alienate them) like pick up wet towels and bathing suits, only eat at the dining table, clean up the kitchen after using, etc. Or do we just bite the bullet and resign ourselves to what it is.
– Cleaning House
Dear House: You and your wife have created a home for adults – chic, clean, just to your taste. Your son and his wife have a home for a family with kids. As you no doubt remember, when there are little fingers about, little fingerprints show up all over everything. It’s not a given, but it’s likely.
You probably won’t get this family to treat your house like a pristine adult house. But you should set age-appropriate guidelines for being a good guest.
Think about making different requests of the kids and the adults. Ask your son and daughter-in-law to make sure that the kitchen is cleaned up, or no food leaves the dining room, for instance.
Don’t do this in writing, though. Feels aggressive. But a phone call beforehand enlisting their help in setting their kids up to be good stewards of your house will make it a communal effort rather than something they got wrong.
Before you call, though, really ask yourself what you need to feel comfortable. The kids are young, the parents are on vacation; you’re all having fun. Sometimes a towel is going to sit on the floor for a minute.
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