Asking Eric: Balancing compassion for your ex with family dynamics

Dear Eric: One of my offspring has cut off all communication with her father, my ex-husband. He hasn’t even met his 4-year-old grandson. My other child has a close relationship with my ex.

The daughter in question claims my ex was not a good father. He certainly wasn’t a good provider; I supported the family financially. He was likely depressed but refused to see his doctor.

I feel for him, and I feel for my other child, who faces awkwardness when planning kids’ birthday parties, etc. Is there anything I can do?

– Stuck in the Middle

Dear Middle: Your ex-husband has to be responsible for his choices and behavior, past and present. Trying to manage the relationship he has with your children is only going to cause you more grief. You’ve spent years taking on more than your share of familial burdens. It’s time to detach with love.

Your compassion for your kids and your grandson doesn’t have to change. And if they come to you to talk through the awkwardness or the pain of the estrangement, listen and share your own feelings. You’re also being impacted by this, and you deserve support, too.

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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.